Newspapers / The Danbury Reporter (Danbury, … / April 27, 1882, edition 1 / Page 1
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VOLUME VI. J® i I'LL TAKE WHAT FATItKR TAKES. S TWM In the flow'ry nioutli of Juno. Tlie sui. wa» in tlie west. When amerry, blithesome company Met .a a public feast. Around the morn rich lia nncri spread, And garlands fresh and piy ; Friend cr»e!c,l friend right Joyously, Upon that festal day. Tlie boar I was filled with elioleest fare; The guest* sat down lo nine! Some called fur "bluer" soiac fur "strut,"' And some for rosy wine. Among thl? jovful mtmmv. -t- *-m *> ' > .irl. 1 : Srarce sixteen Summers had he Seen, No specious snare he fea i d. . An empty glass before the youth Soon drew the waiter there. "What will }.. ii take, sir?" he Inquired, "Stout, hitter, mild, or clear 1 We've rich supplies of port. We've flit-class wines and cakes," The youth with guileless looks replied, "I'll take wluu faUui 'akes." Swift a* an arrow went the words Into his fat iter's ears, Anl soon a conflict itacp and strong, Awoke terrific feat!. The father looked upon lds*»n. Then gazed upon the wine, O tiod ! lie thought, were he to taste, Wlio tui.ld ikeer.n divine? Have I not seen the strongest fall, The falres' led astray? And shall 1 on my only son Bestow a curse this dav " No." (foil forbid ! "Here, v a.nir, I>:it..; Hright water unto me, My son will take what father takes; My drink shall water in'." Politeness Pays. Among tho acquaintances .1 toy youth ; there was one l'eter Cox ; and I am | sorry to say that, from what little stock j of patience he may have possessed, lie ' invested none of it in politeness At all ! events he did not do it when be entered : business, l'eter was a builder by trade j and one of the most thorough and faith-! ful workmen in the country. If lie' undertook a contract he was sure to ! parform bis part punctually atij propsr ly. Still he was not always employed, i fur many who unght otherwise have hired j him were repulsed by bis uncouth man- ! ncr of treating them, and sought as-' sistance elsewhere. "Peter," said his wife to hint one j evening, "do you know that you have j lost a good job by offending Mr. lira-, ham !" Peter looked up from his paper and ] asked her what she meant. "I mean," she replied, "that Mr. | Graham has hired Mr. Leavitt to build I bis now house." •' Well—what of it!" said Peter, ra ther crustily. "Why, 1 am very .sura he meant to j have hired you to do the job, and thai he would have done so had you not of fended hi in." "Ilow did I offend him ?" "By not listening to him when he wished to describe the plau for build ing." "His plan was a foolish one." "Well, suppose it .was ; if you hid felt ti to bo your business to tell htm so, you might have done it iu a more polite way." "Bah "'cried Peter, with a snap of bis lingers, "don't talk of politeness in busiuess. If I were to botber myself to bo polite to everybody who happened to call upou me 1 should have my hands full." "I think it would pay," veutured the wife. Peter poohed at the idea and told his wife that he wanted to read. About a month after this Peter came borne in unusual spirits. He had been out of work for some time, and be bad been rather moody and crusty. His wife noticed the change and asked him what had happened. "There's a proepeot of work," he re plied, "wo are to have better times in town. SumneV Wilkins of Byfield lias bought the whole of the water power, on our stream, and is going to erect a factory hore. I think I'll get tho job. They say that Wilkins had rather have •ome one here to do it, and my friends will recommend mc. M Mrs. Cox was highly delighted, for sho knew that such a job must pay well, and she hoped that her husband might not be disappointed. A few days afterward an order earae for some window blinds ; and one aftor noon while he was busy at his bench, a man came and watched him at his work a few seconds without speaking. He was a middle-aged man, rather oourscly clad ; and Peter supposed it must be •cine one who wanted work. v "How d'ye do ?" said the stranger, as Peter laid aside tho slat he bad just finished. "How u'yc do ?" returned l'eter, in a sort of uncouth gnuit. "That looks like good lumber you're working there," remarked the visitor. "Tt's good enough,' was the response. "What is such lumber worth here "I don't know," and as Peter thus answered he took another slat and began to plane it. "I suppose you buy some lumber, sir »" "I do wh 1 want it," resumed Pe ter, without lookim up from his work. "Is there any in town to be sold I ' "They'll tell you at Uie mill. I donH maw lumMftuJleif." • ! "But you know tho value of it,'' said the stranger with a slight touch of feel iug in his tone. "Who told you ?" retorted Pete. "I supposed, a.s you wore in the habit of using "'onsiderablo lumber of various kinds, that you would bo a proper one to ask." "Well, sir," said our grouty builder, in his uncouth, unkind and ungentle manly way, "it so happens that I have something else to attend to besides keep ing the price of lumber for everybody who may want a r "\v boards." "Ah, yes ; I didn't know you were so ! busy," returned the visitor in the cold est and mo t polite manner imaginable, j "Pardon me if 1 have interrupted you." And with ti it ho left the shop. Peter Cox had done no more in this instance than ho had dune a great many times before); but yet ho could not put it from his mind so easy. Somehow it clung to him, and even after an hour had passed he foui.d himself wishing that be j had treated bis visit' r with a little more | decency. But it was to. late now. I Peter gut bis biinds u!l male, and j then awaited news frmu Bylicld, as it j was expected hat Sumner Wilkins j would soon,make arrangements to com j mence operations. He felt sore of the I job, as h irtetids hai seen Wilkins and [ recommended him strongly I; would I IM US good .j three dollars a tljy to him j for several months. One morning as Peter came out on the street lie beard it remarked that | \\ ilkitis had got bis bands all engaged, arid would break ground very soon. It j could lie be possible, thought our btiild j or. Sorely bo would have had notice of j such a motive. Half an hour after that j he was standing at the door of a groce i ry, wl u a man drove up in a carriage, j and came into the store. Il« bowed to I one or two wiio stood there, but cave j Peter only a cold look. It was tho man | who bad called at bis shop two weeks i before and inquired the price of lumber. I lie was dressed plainly as over, but ho | drove a splendid horse, and tho carriage was a costly one. "Who is that man Peter asked, after tho stranger w is gouo. "Tli it,'' returned a bystander,' in ev ident surprise; "don't you know him ? Why, that is Mr. Wilkins." "Sumner Wilkius of Byfield .' The man who is going to build tho factory V "Yes." Petei Cox left the store with a sinking heart: and by the iiiue he reached tho shop was almost sick. What a fall it was. He went home to dinner, and ere long his wife had heard the whole story. She bad already learned that the ereat job bad been given to another, and know why it liad been done, "Why didn't he lot me know who he was when he came into my shop ?" said Peter, iu a petulaut mood. "That isn't the question," suggested his wife, speaking as considerately as | possible. "It would be better, l'eter, if you would ask why you didn't treat him more respectfully. It seems, from your own account, that be asked a very simple and proper question—as any ought to answer with pleasuro. I tell you, my husband, politeness pays. If you could only overcomo your habit of treating strangers so uncouthly, you would be greatly the gainer thereby." For some days Peter Cox was sore and morose. He saw the work com menced on the factory without his as sistance, and he feared that be should ! have but little business for some time to 1 come. He bad at first beeu inclined to ! think very Imrd of Sumner ; but when he eamc to reflect more calmly he thought differently. Ho could not wonder that, the man bad been repulsed by his rude ness. It was Saturday afternoon, and l'eter was doing uothing but thinking, when ! some one entered. He looked up aud : saw Mr. Wilkins. "Ilow d'ye do!" faid the capitalist. "How d'ye do ?" returned the build er. DANBURY, N. C„ THURSDAY, APRIL 27, 1882. i "You are not vory busy, I take it," added Wilkins. A quick, rough 1 answer was making its way to Peter's lips, but he did not speak it. He recollected himself in season, lie had taken a solemu obliga tion upon himself tba» lie would not al low any more such words to jo out from his mouth upon his fellow men. "No, sir," be replied, as soon as the old spirit had been quelled ; "I am not vory busy now.' "Perhaps you would like to work for me V "As you wi h it.' "Well," said Wilkins, "1 am in wan' of he'p and should like to employ you. and perhaps you can imagine why 1 did not. However," be added, as he saw Peter's countenance fell, "there's no need of referring to that only for the lesson it teaches. I felt the cut of your rud 'noss very deeply, and the more so because 1 cold not sec \>! ?reh. I had given you any occasion for it.' "I was rude," returned I'otor, frank ly ; "and as you iutima 1, I found a lesson in the result, and I hope I r. ay profit by it." "That's enough, sir. And so we'll let the past go.' Wilkins extended his J hand as be spoke, and Peter grasped it j ! warmly. "And now,' f':e visitor continued, "let's come to our business. The uian whom I engaged to superintend the erec tion of my mill has so much other busi ness that he w old be spared from this, i so if*you will take it I will let him go." j Of course Peter took it, and when j the mill was done, so well and faithfully bad be performed his work, that bo had I more offers of valuable contracts than ' he could possibly attend to. But Peter Cox did not forget the 1 prime secret of Ins new success. He j knew that he was eminently quality as ' an architect and ouildcr"; but this was uot all. He also knew that the first ] lesson be bad learned was the most val uable one—that investment he bad made j was yielding hint the greatest interest. Aud, in over, the iiieoino iVoiU the po liteness which be bad come >o possess was net all gross and material. No, no —one of its highest and purest fruits was that which came to bis heart, aud ivhleh remained with him to bless 'him wherever he went. Two ItiiKli ol°People. Two boys went to bunt grapes. One , washappybecau.se they found pra, cs. Tho other was unhappy because tho grapes bad seeds in them. Two men, convalescent, were asked how they were. One said : •'I am better to-day.' Tho other said "I was worse yesterday.' When it rains, one man says • "This will make mud.' Auother : "This w ill ! lay the dust.' Two boys examining a bush, oue ob served it had a thorn. Tho other thai it had a rose. Two children looking through colored glasses, one said : "Tho wor! 1 is blue.' ; And the other said : "It is bright.' Two buys eating their diuner, one said : "1 would rather have something better thau this.' The other sail! "This is better than nothing.' Two men went to see New York One visited the saloon*, and thought. New York wicked. Tho other visited the homus and thought New York good. Two boys each goi ac apple. One wan thankful for the apple. Tho other was dissatisfied beoause it was not two. 1 "I ain glad that 1 live,' says one man. "I am sorry I must die,' says another. "1 am gli l,' one, "that it is no worse.' "1 i«n sorry,' says another, "that is no better.' One man counts everything that he has a gain. Another counts everything he conceives a loss. Oue man spoils a good repast by thinking of a better repast of another. Another enjoys a poor repast by con trasting it with none at all. In drinking lemonade you may detect only the sweet or only the sour. One man is thankful for his blessing?. Another is morose for bis misfortunes. Ouo man thinks be is entitled to a better world, and is dissatisfied because ho hasn't got it. Another thiuks he is not justly entitled to any, aud is satis fied with this. Ono uiau enjoys what he has. An other suffers what he has not. One man eomplaius that there is evil in the world. Another rejoices that there is good in the world. Enjov what you have ; hope for what you lack. % . '•Darn it.*' r I They had a terrible time a. " diiing t up at Pelaluuja the other day, m: ! which i °"ly goes to show how the smallc?* draw back will sometimes ta!;a thestifl'ness out . of the swellcst occasion. It seems that tho ceremony was a v r grand affair. There wcre-eigl In !• - , maids, and tho church waserowl" ! t'. m I pit to dome, a tho dr.iinat.o «;r:!ies would say. But when taey got to the . | prop";- place iu the ceremony, and the gr • began fueling for the riii ,he discovered that it wa-n't on i I. After tin. :iuister luul scowled at tie raupr.ibje wretnSi for 4 wtulc^- e I ';r ***»'¥ eiruSTrnJ slipped I through a liolj in his poc . u»i wi rkcd , into his boot, lie coinmuni'" ! the' t ; ten i . fact in a whi per to t'a" brid •, , who tit i;ed deadly pile, uml » i> only • •'T't froui fainting, by the r.f ti. n I that they would in, .it ably ct-t the I strings of btr satin corsage in cat ' sh | did. j "Why , '■ yo". : roducc tho rvj ?" i whispered I. i. big brother linf.rso | ly, anil feeling for his pistol, under the j j impression that the miserable man was about to back out. I >•! can't. It's !:i my loot," ' i" 1 the grooiu under bis breath his v. rv hair meanwhile turning red witii iu rti fieatiou. •'Try aud fish it out, somehow —hurry up," mumbled the minister behind the book. | "I'll try," gasped the victim, who j I was very stout and he put one foot on ! the chancel rail, pul". 1 up bis trouseis leg and began making spasmodic jab for the ring '.vi h bis forefinger. The i ! minister motioned to the organist to { | squce/.o out a few notes to fill in die. ! t ie while a .uinor rapidly went through | the congregation to the ofkvt that a tej- j | egram had just arrived proving the groom bail four oilier wives in the Ear.t al- j | ready. "I—l ean't reach it," groaned the j lialf-married man, in agony. It WOQ'I I : come." "isit ii hi d isli* vmr I-... t (iff, *'• r fool!" biased tho bride's mother while , 1 the bride herself moaned pi' -otuly ami wrung her bands. i 1 There was nothing left. so the sufferer 11 sat down on the fl lor and began t" 1 wrestle with hi bent, which was natur ally new and tiglo ulnla a fresh tumor ,got underway to effect that the! I groom was beastly tight As the boot finally came i its cru be '. j wearer endeavored, unsuccessfully, to 1 bide a trade dollar holo ill the heel of i.is stocking: noticing which, tho ] raou v.ho was a humorous sort of sky-eoutracti r, said grimly : "\uu seem to be g.-tliiig marr.; Ijn t iu time, my young friend." And the cci an : y proceeded w iJi the ! party of tho first part standing on ono ; |l , trying to bide bis «eil ventilased j l ot under the tail of his coat, and ap propriately muttering "Darn it" at t short intervals. hepc AFicatl. A committee of stockholders who J wiitod i.pon the superintendent of ;. C laifjrniu mine to ask why in tho blaze . the said mine hadn't panned anything but assessments, were graciously rec iv- : cd, invited to be seated, aud the official ' ' explained. t | "(j, i.ier. you are all aware of the' fact that wo bad scarcely begun wor..' I when tho mouth of our mine was block- ■ I aded by a laud-slide. That put us back a month. They nodded their remembrance. "Then wc had just got in shape to tako out 4,000 tons of ore, $2,000 per tun, when the mine eaved in. You re call it ?" They did. "Once more we bent ourselves to the i burden of reaping §5,000 for every $lO ; invested, when the mine vaß ilooJod by j a subterranean river." 'J'bat was true ulso. Then wo had just got tho water out ] when wo discovered that our mine was located on another mail's claim. We bad him shot to prevent, trouble, and once more, we were about to declare a I dividend of 200 per cent, when the dead j ; nun's heirs put in an appearance There ! were three of them. We chaeed ono I over the range, had another hung by the I vigilance comittee ; and I am happy to inform you that 1 have four meu out . after the other, and am every hour ex pecting that he lias tumbled off a cliff. Gentlemen there is hope ahead—golden hope—. Please come up and drink with , i Die ; after which there will be another | assessment oi 10 per cent, , Tliree or j THE MOUSK AN!> YilK 1.1 ON —THE FOOLISH HARE AND THE ALUUATOR. A mouse who was taking his evening ramble through a great forest, encouii tre ! a !!• undrr a tree, aud at olice j called out : "Hi! there—stand out of my path or I will demolish you!" '•l!u' I air. not in i'ic pa'a," meekly I replied the obi beast, i '■ Fhcii get 'own out of that tree." es. but t am not up the tree." "Who said you were > I tell you to i'et out of my sunshine- or I'll break , very bone in your boo'y !" ; "Would it be impudence on my part local! your v "mi. n to the fact that i ■ sun has been down two hours !" l - plied the terror- iekon 1:m. "Yes it would, and lnipu leneo must be punished !" roared t! ■ mouse ;an 1 lie * ailed iu aid poun: jil tin King t . Beasts until the forest was filled with ' lamentations. MORAL: He that by the plow would thrive must sit around tiio corner and talk politics. . TUB KOOl.lstt HARE. A hare who hau 1 tig concealed hi in sult" in a d use jungle, rendered bij presenc; a ten, r to the neighborhood by raiding tiio sheep-!' 'ds and call-pens, one day entered the house of a peasant 1 and said; "Base caitiff, I Imvecoine to complain of your in 'jmauity ! The wool of your sheep slicks iu my teeth, and you don't , know Ii IW much ho.her I liuvo with the ] bones of your calves." "But what can 1 do !" protested the peasant. 1 "Kress the meat for me," continued I tho bare. j The peasant meekly agreed, and when the feorv old hare sailed out that night to make things tremble, he found a I siiouldeVof n.ut.oii hanging by the sheep- Lfold. lie carried it to his lair, and ' ij*d h's> mial, bat i. r;.s hardly finisn ed when be found bis hiud legs trying to tie a knot around Ins neck. He fe!. I down and got i:;> and keeled over, an i as be realized the situation be gasped out: '•Alas ! the peasant not only dressed my uiutlon, but will dress my hide a> well! What a fool I was to complain wh II I got both the wool and the meat ! farewell, uiy countryman —I'm a gnu -1 cr!" MORAL: Don't stand a creditor off till to morrow when you cau pay bun to-day. Tell i.iui lo call nexl week. ALL IN THE I'AMtI.V. A young alligator who was traveling across t! ; country was suddenly seized iu the jaws of an old crocodile, when he cried out ■ Lands alive ! Has it conic to this ' Wuy do you prey upou me ?" "Because 1 aui hungry," was the calm reply. "But there is reallly no difference i between u \\ o both belong to the sume family." "All the more reason why 1 should eat you, for you'll be sure to agree with • mo," muttered old Cr. e , as he chewed | him down. MORAL: J If at first you don't succeed, try biiu S again. He ll finally lend you s."> to get ! rid of you. Itou t W liino. Don't bo whining for a fair chance. Throw it sensible man out of a window and he 11 lull ou bis feet, and the j nearest way to his work. The more you you have to begin with tho less you will have iu the end. Money you can earn I yourself is much brighter than any you I can get out of dead men's bags. A [ scant breakfast in the morning of life j whets the appetite for a feast later in I 'lie day. He who has tasted a sour ap- I pie will have more relish for a swoet | ono. Your present want will make fut j ure prosperity all the sweeter. Kigh- I teen pence has sent up many a peddler I in business, and he has turned it over ' until he has kept his carriage. As for | tho place you arc east in, don't find fault ' with that; you need not bo a horse be cause you were born in a stable. If • a bull tossed a man of lnetalwky-high he j would drop down into a good place. A | bard-working young man with his wits about him will make money while others will do nothing but lose it. Love is like the moon : when it docs i not increase it decreases. A M»'Uea!i»K Story k Th. t' ..' J udgc K. St. Juliiu Cos, of the Ninth Judicial ] .strict of Minne sota, by the Senate of that B tatc, has , ended in his ejection from the bcnck as a drunkard. Impeached by the House , last fall, be has been under trial for more than two months: nd the ujs ana downs of his career, now in tho guile, and now oil the form a queer story. A ; rollicking, po| ular politician, always j free and easy with everybody, an I a ready-witted lawyer, Ir 1 became a fu- I vcri• ■ 4ii the part of Minnesota where he flourished, and was eleet ti a Judge in I*7 > for con years. Ho kept up his bacchanalian habits after bis eleva tion to tiio hi neb, and this debauched ( magistrate could bo found by day tip pling in rtuu shops, and sometimes at tiiglit in uoti .ious houses. \\ „en he I no longer timed hi 3 toping season to , his duties iu court, but was fuddled on t the bench, it as determined to ) it an end lo hi 3 judicial* career. Twenty charges were brought against him; but the last two, relu.iag to lewdness, were dropj ed for various reasons. Tho fiist ' sevculr-u charges P;I :;icd cases of drunkenness during court terms, mil | the eighteenth alleged habitual intoxi cation. A St. I'aul dispatch gives tins . summary of the evidence : "It reveals Cox in all conceivable forms of • ixicition, riot aud dobauch , ery. One ehus of witnesses describe liiiu drunk in the court-room, unwashed, blear-eyed, thick of speech, and uuddy of tbi.ugut, niaiindoiiug, bullying wit nejscs anl la'vyers, and making tlie transact ou of hiisinc - impossible. On several occasions tho court was adjourn to give iiiiu lime to recover. Some of his official performances were most gro i tesqn". Another witness describes a case in Lyons County in which Judge ! Cox held court in a saloon to issue na turalization papers, and d aatidod that the newly made citizen should 'treat' , before bo would sign the papers. It • seems lo have been ihe regular practice i for Court, bar, jury, witnesses and - spectators to got drunk nightly, and i witnessi s testified t' at Cox t, r passed 0' I One witness waited to de . .cro the rest of the par ity loiitai ti fuddled Judge over on bis back and played cards upou bis judi cial abdomen, but the matter was ruled out. The most prominent lawyer in the district, Judge Severance, swore to ipi at of patter in an alley, clean.ui u oil, ai.J taking him to a waiting court-room Some of the most flagrant testimony taken by the commit tee was excluded from the Senate by the stricking out of the nineteenth and twen tieth articles." The Olden 'i'lines. "What I am longing after," said Brother tiarduer, as Trustee I'ullbaek ceased coughing aud Samuel Shin finally I got u rest for bis feet—"what 1 am long ! ing artir am a sight of a good, old-fash ioned man or woman—sich as we could find in cbery house thirty y'ars ago, but ! sich as cannot be found now in a week's hunt. It makes uie lonesome when I realize that our old-fashioned uicn Mi' ; wimiii am no uio*. In do days gone by if 1 fell sick one woman would run iu i wid catnip, anoder wid hors'radisb leaves, atioder wid a bowl of gruel, an' tears would be shed, an' kind words spoken, au* one couldn't slay sick to save him. 'ln dose good old days do kaliker dress 1 au' white apron abounded. An honest | woman wasn't al'eatcd to wash her fact | on account ob ddjpowder. Kbery womat i woro her own ha'r, an' she wore it ti ! please herself instead of fashion. Thicl 1 shoes kept de feet dry, tnick clothes kepi I the body warm, an' dar was no winkiu j au' w.tbblin' an' talkin' frew de teef. . "Dar was goodness in dem 010 days ( | Par was prayin' to Uod, an' de hearts j meant it. De wiuiin who wore a No. ( j shoe was as good as de woman wid a foot ( ; all pinched out of shape and kivereil ! wid corns. You didn't li'ar notion 1 bout breach o' promise cases aud oddci deviltry. Deman who parts bis ha'r in ' de middle an' beleives he mashes his - wietims by the score wasn't born don. People didn't let their nayburs die ' uudcr their*noses widout ebon knoin : dat sickness had oouio to do family. r Men worked hard an' put in full time, r 1 au' wimin found something to do be t ' sides gaddiu' de streets to show off ii . small foot or a new bonnet. ,j "Do world calls it progress. Wc must sliet onr hearts against our sayhur, 0 sacrifice all for fashun, conceal ouriimpi V and pains, appear what we am not, an s when we go to de grave fur rest we an for" 'en in a week, it liar oue womar h'.iks 10 lleaben a dozen looks to fashun \\ bar i ne man helps de poo' from kind ness of h ..art a dozen chip in because di s list ob names will be published in di paper. NO. 44. Sil U.IL BITES. The tailor knows how to gat around a s- customer. Measure your mind's height by the 18 shadow it casts. 10 u Three people can keep a secret when 3 two of them are dead. IV Whoii n buisinoss is "run down" it is time to have it "wound up." S ' the defaulting bank cashier. e A Blacksmith is seldom arrested for e fort cry, through he lives by it. 1 1 Little miuds are tamed and subdued by Misfortune, but great minds rise I above it. t ; T*o not provoke fight with an under taker . rcniembor, he is noted for laying 9 i P«uple out. ! A two-year old tootsy-pootsy told i ! her auut it was '•yarning'," because she / 'heard its footsteps ou the gallery." The mau who makes the best of life, loses the worst of death. The cream ' ;of man's experience is obtained from j spilling uiilk. i Punched coin has been driven out of ( i circulation except whea you are in a j hurry and the grocer knows you to to , ; a man who don't count your change. In New Jersey it'a bank cashier or ; public officer of trust doesu't get homo , i bv nine o clock at .night they immedi ■ atcly begin forwarding his mail to Eu - rope. It is a singular coincidence, soon af ter Beecher publicly declared that ho had been in the habit whou in Paris of ' ! visiting Mabille, the Parisians shut it "up. i ■ | The difference between a person in bis - first childhood and his second childhood t ! is this : In his first childhood he cuts i his teeth *, in his second childhood bis t teeth cut him. 1 | It is asserted over and over that | anxiety shortens life, but wlmn a chap '' | sees another fellow feeding his girl sand ' i wiches at a picnic is he going to sit down ' | and bid his soul be calm ? , | When Filkinsbury moved away from town he was a. ked if he received any j I thing iu the way of a keepsake from the , i citizens. "No," he replied, "nothing ; ( | tiiougli 1 believe there was something ! said about my receiving the cougra'.ula x I tiuns of the pcoplo in my change of re ( sidence " "A scieutist named Mivart will soon 8 issue a work on the cat," says the New - Haven Register. We've done that al ready. It was a heavy copy of Shakes peare's plays, and we issued it from a third story window, and it took'her right I between the shoulders, and we hope it _ j broke her blamed back. V 1 They tell of a man out West, who was - putting a blast in a well, and it went off -' prematurely and blew him into an apple- J j tree about fifty feet away. Iu a mo t men I he recovered himself, and reuiark » j ing, "The Lord knows better than 1 1 J do, afier all ; 1 guess it's about time to i' | go pruning," took a large prufiing-kuife | from his pocket aud set to work. n hat shall we do to entertain our s, I girls f says a religious exchange. A •s ! man who needs advice as to how to en lertain his girls is not tit to edit a re | | ligii iaper. We suggest that he i should l ike oue of thcui out buggy rid ,s | ing iu the afternoon, tell her wuat a '• daisy she is, and how insipid and fix \ >c up that other girl is. Then he should in j tako "it at other girl" out for ice cream t alter supper and tell her coulidcutially ho".' very uninteresting and awkward the buggy-riding girl is. When the 1 t two girls meet the religious editor can a' depend on them entertaining each other without his persoual assistance. S. THE NEW ARITHMETIC. ls A lady desires to divide six sun •' flowers amoug five girls so that each girl 't can wear one to the party. How can '' she do it without cutting one of the girls >' ; in two ? n | Three stinks of stove-wood weighing is • five aud a half pounds bend a boy's back 1 • i four inches out of piraub. How many l ' additional sticks will it lake to make his i I f | chin touch his knees ? *' ! A bank has $78,420 in its vaults. ( 1 The oashier gets away with $00,382, and the bank settles witli him for two c thirds. How much is the bank ahead, r> ! and what will the poor cashier do if next winter happens to bo a hard one ? " I m A certain grocer, whoso scales only in weigh fiftoen ounces to the pound, sells J" | ;WO, pounds of various goods every 1 0 | twelve hours. Find what he gains week ie j ly, and after you have figured it up do j your trading with some other house.
The Danbury Reporter (Danbury, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
April 27, 1882, edition 1
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